Last night I had a meltdown.
I was trying to get something done – let’s be honest – I was rushing to get something done that I had slightly procrastinated on and it wasn’t going the way I needed it to go. I was frustrated and upset, and it didn’t take long for my voice to raise to a yell and the accusations to start flying toward my husband.
True to my nature as a passive-aggressive introvert, I don’t always express how I feel when I’m feeling it. I tend to bottle stuff up, sometimes ignoring it altogether, hoping it’ll just go away or resolve itself. Weeks later when I get upset about something totally different it’s amazing how all of the things I’ve been even the tiniest bit agitated about suddenly apply to the things making me upset (except they don’t and that’s when the unfair fighting starts).
So last night my frustration at a website that refused to cooperate with my brand new printer somehow turned into our marital lack of communication and the fact that I have to do “everything”.
Website issues = we don’t talk about deep stuff. Okay.
In those moments that I’m being unreasonable and irrational I almost expect him to walk out of the room or ignore my rants or even try to defend himself. It would only make sense. It would only be fair. But just as I’m demanding that he help me figure this out he brings me the dinner he just made for us. As I’m melting down about printers and communication and not wanting to call customer care he climbs onto the big chair with me and puts his arms around me. And as I’m telling him that what he’s doing isn’t going to help he apologizes to me.
Yeah. He apologizes to me and tells me he would love to talk to me more. Because who doesn’t want to talk more to the person yelling at them?
And I was reminded again why Christian marriage is such a great demonstration of God’s unconditional love. I see it so clearly in Jeff when he treats me far better than I deserve. Instead of distancing himself from me, he gets closer. He quietly encourages me and calms me. He loves me back to himself – and to my much more rational self.
It’s so Christ-like. Jesus does all those same things for us when we’re so steeped in our sin that He should just leave. But He stays, even better, He gets closer to us. He calms our doubts and fears and reminds us He is God and He has everything under control. He loves us through our valleys and sins and gets us back to being after His own heart. He forgives and strengthens. What a God we have.
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103:8
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14