My "Perfect" Man

I just opened up a book I'm currently reading to find an interesting bookmark (interesting because I forgot I used it for a bookmark). It's a loose-leaf sheet of notebook paper, not even filled to a half page of writing, with this title:

10 Adjectives about My Ideal Mate

Back in college, probably 2006-ish, I took a class in which the professor asked us to make a list of ten adjectives to describe our ideal mate. I remember sitting in class making that list. I remember purposefully dreaming about what I realistically wanted in my "perfect" guy. I also remember it being extremely ironic because I was dating Mr. Wrong at the time, and found myself dreaming about what I really wanted in a man.

As soon as I wrote my list, I knew the guy I was with didn't fit most of the descriptors. I knew I wanted better. I knew I could find better. But, I was also like many other women I know and was too afraid to do anything about it. Not that I was scared of him, but I was afraid of hurting him, of being alone, of making that awful first move to break up. So I stayed with Mr. Wrong for a long time and set aside my dreams of finding the right man for me.

To make a long story short, eventually God put pieces in place for my relationship with Mr. Wrong to end. I all but stopped looking for my dream man. For awhile I even thought it wasn't in God's plan for me to get married. I poured myself into work, into my family and into some friendships. Then one day in August of 2009 one of my church's secretaries told me about this guy named Jeff. As we met and got to know each other I found so many traits I liked about Jeff. He was so much the opposite of other guys I had dated. At some point early on in our dating days I found my 10 Adjectives list. As I looked it over I mentally checked off the traits that I noticed Jeff possessed. He fit all ten easily. I went over it again to make sure I wasn't being too unrealistic. I could see places where he wouldn't be perfect, but I also knew that he was for real and he would sure try.

I say all this because I know far too many women and girls who fall for the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. He's attractive (physically, but not in personality). He's nice (to me, but rude and crude to others). He's funny (but in an inappropriate way). Sometimes women fall hard and fast for guys who, on the surface, seem good, but too often they're too good to be true, because they're posers. They pretend to be God's gift to women, but they're nowhere close. Why do women fall for these guys? Maybe because we want to be in relationships. Those guys don't want relationships. Maybe we think "he'll change for me". News flash girls, that's not going to happen. Maybe we just don't think we can find the guy we really want. Guess what girls, I believe you can! But it's going to take some thought and work on your part.

Over the next few days I'll share what I put on my 10 Adjectives list. For now, here's what worked for me in my search for my "perfect" man.

1. Pray. Tell God about your desires, concerns, worries, dreams. James 1:17 says "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." I believe the good and perfect gifts apply to relationships too. That relationship you're looking for will come from your heavenly Father.

2. Figure out what you want in a man. Make your own list. If you don't know what you're looking for, it'll be harder to find it, and you'll fall for anything in the meantime. An important note here: recognize that no man is perfect. Be careful not to put your dream guy on so high a pedestal that no real man could ever live up to your expectations. That being said, don't feel like you have to compromise on important factors in the name of having a relationship. The Bible has great outlines for what a Godly husband should be.

3. Be patient. This one's tough. It requires trust in God to provide. It requires being selective and waiting on God's timing. When God's timing and ours are different, it's hard to be patient, but it's totally worth it.

4. Work on your relationship with God. Learn who you are in God's eyes before you try to see yourself in another man's. When you see your worth and value as the beautiful child of God you are, Godly men will take notice. God loves you and will fill your deepest desires and dreams. Let Him be your partner in this process of finding a man who's imperfect, but a great match for you!
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